


Never Again!

by Crazytortuga



Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Donnie can't get over a past lover, Donnie knows what's best for you, F/M, He screwed it out, Kidnapping, OC drinks too much, Obsession, One-Sided Relationship, One-sided Feelings of Love, Past Relationship(s), Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-04-18 20:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4719842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazytortuga/pseuds/Crazytortuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years ago, Donnie let the love of his life slip away from his hands.<br/>Now that she's back in the city he will do anything to win her back… and I mean anything...<br/>Will they finally achieve their happy ending? Warning! dark!fic,crazyDonnie! Shortstory! AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feels like a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a really old fanfic I found yesterday while cleaning up my laptop. I wrote it such a looong time ago that I even forgot about its existence :(
> 
> I also want to point out that this story is not related in any kind of way with ''There's no one but you'' (other story about dark turtles I'm currently writing) However, I need to admit is really funny how the female main character's personalities of both stories resemble so much. But I repeat, they have nothing to do with each other, plus in this fic Donnie is the only crazy turtle.
> 
> I'm only posting this because Meh… I felt bad for abandoning it. It will have two chapters max :(

 

''Ouch…'' Was the first sound I made after waking up  _''my head hurts… why it hurts so much?''_ I asked to myself while trying to find a logical explanation for such an awful headache  _''Ah… That's right…last night I went to Megan's bachelorette party. How many drinks did I have again? Dammit I need to stop drinking this much… ''_

'' _Hmm? Why can't I see anything?''_ My eyes were open but… there was something covering my eyes.

When I tried removing the strange object from my eyes I realized I couldn't move my arms either; actually the only body part I was able to move was my head.

'' _Why can't I move?_  '' Now I was starting to freak out… this definitely couldn't be because of the alcohol.

''Oh! You are finally awake''

'' _Wait a second… I know that voice! Is Donnie's voice… but how? What is he doing here? I haven't seen him since we broke up three years ago… and we haven't been in contact either so how did he found me? Well it doesn't matter, if someone could help me out of this strange situation is him!''_

''Donnie! Thank God! I don't know what happened but I can't move! Where are you?''

''I'm just in front in you…''

''What's happening Donnie? Did I fell somewhere and hit my head? That's how you find me?''

''Well in theory it is, you were already unconscious the moment I found you''

'' Awww I knew I shouldn't have drunk all those margaritas… I always end up passing out after drinking too many''

I heard him chuckling… how much I missed his dork little laugh, it always made my heart flutter

''I can see you haven't change at all Alice''

''Hey! I did change '' I protested. I wasn't the same little crazy teenager I was back them.

''Yes, you are right… you did change… you became more beautiful''

I felt my cheeks reddening '' T-Thanks'' Wow... Apparently Donnie has really changed as well. He has never been this straight forward before; he always behaved so shy and overly polite it was almost frustrating… yet I loved it.

''But Donnie, do you know what happened to me? I can't move and I can't see anything I'm worried…''

Donnie chuckled again, he sounded happy for some reason.

''Alice, don't worry, you'll be okay now'' I felt his warm breath rousing my cheek; he was really close…too close to conform.

I wanted to push him away ''Hmmm Donnie… Why are you so close?'' but due to my immobile state I was only able to jerk my head away; however, that only made the awful headache I was feeling to become even worst ''Gezz my head… it hurts''

''Shhh… It's alright princess, don't move so much or you will end up hurting yourself'' He started caressing my cheek with the back of his hand.

'' _P- Princess…? What the hell! He just called me princess? Has he lost his mind?''_ He used to call me princess when we were still together, but now I hate being called that way… I hate it more than anything!

''Don't call me princess please…'' I tried to contain my bitterness as much as possible.

''Why?''

'' _He is asking me WHYYY! Oh my god! Breathe Alice! Breathe! Don't let you anger overcome you. Remember what your therapist taught you… inhale and exhale… that's it…remain calm…''_

''I just don't like it… so please don't do it''  _good, I managed to keep my cool! Nice job Alicia!_

''A- Alice… I- I missed you so much…'' My heart dropped after hearing him said that.

Actually, I have really missed him too, before we became a couple he was my best friend in the entire world.

''Donnie… I- I missed you too… I missed you so much'' I found myself trying to fight back my tears…Gosh I'm such a cry baby.

'' _I can't believe I'm finally able to talk with him… maybe… just maybe… This time we can become friends again and let our awful past behind us''_

''Re- Really?'' he asked with a broken voice.

''Of course I…''

My sentence was cut short, when I felt something being lifted from my face. I squeezed my eyes shut when the brightness of the place and my tears blinded me again for a couple of seconds more, and then I felt Donnie's hand gently whipping my face.

'' Alice… _''_  after my vision cleared, I saw him whispering my name with such a dreamy expression that I felt as if I had traveled three years back.

'' _Is this a dream? I can't believe I'm in front of him again… and he's looking at me with those eyes… those love filled eyes I craved so much for all this years''_

'' _My Alice…_  '' Uh Oh… I didn't like the tone of his voice… It remained me of the tone he used when he…was in the 'mood'

That snapped me out from my trance '' Donnie… why are you using your sensual voice? ''

''Was I? I didn't notice it'' he giggled.

He was acting really strange… I didn't like it one bit… plus, I still wasn't able to move my body.

''You know why I can't move my body?''

''Oh, it must be because of the drugs I gave you'' he said casually.

His nonchalant attitude almost got me for a second ''Oh! I see is because of the drug you gave… WAIT A MINUTE! Did just you say you drug me?''

''Well, I couldn't think on any other way to bring you here'' he said as he scratched the back of his neck… he always did that when he was nervous.

''Here? Where's here? Where are we?''

''We are in my lab''

''This is your lab? It looks different…'' This couldn't possibly be his lab… it was strangely dark… and empty. Where did all his inventions go? This looked just like abandoned garage… except for the table I was lying in and some other random furniture scattered around the room.

''Well, I made so changes in the years we stopped seeing each other''

''Oh… I see… and how are your brothers? … Hey Wait! Don't try to change the subject mister! Why did you drug me? Did you lose your mind?''

''I'm so sorry Alice… I thought it was the only way I had to make you come here… I thought you hated me…''

Shit. I couldn't stay angry when he looked at me with those sad turtle eyes '' Well, to be honest with you, I really did hate you''

He instantly froze and set his sight to the floor. I could tell he was struggling to find the right words to say… he looked so pitiful.

''But I don't hate you anymore Donnie'' I continued.

He lifted his face '' R- Really? '' His voice was full of contained joy.

''Really, actually I'm really happy to see you. I feel like I'm dreaming''

He smiled so widely I thought I was going to melt ''me too… '' He said softly as he cupped my face with his hand and started to rub my cheek with his thump.

I gulped; I didn't like the direction this was heading to… so I decided to drop a bomb.

''So… How's April?'' I hope my voice hasn't sounded as awkward as I think it sounded.

Donnie's eye widened like plates and I felt his hand tensing around my face.

''Well, she's fine. She's working as a journalist now''

''Oh, that's nice. She once told me she wanted to become a journalist. And are you two still toge-''

''ALICE'' he suddenly raised his voice ''sorry Alice I- I… why don't we change the subject? ''

I rolled my eyes '' Heeee… ok''

I went silence. I couldn't think about anything else to talk about, and I found myself suddenly losing all interest to continue the conversation.

He cleared his throat to get my attention '' and… What did you do after we… stop meeting each other'' I noticed how he wanted to avoid saying the words  _broke up._

''Oh… well a lot of things happened… ''

''I can imagine… ''

''Yes… I participated in a lot of productions back in Europe… it was a really enlightening experience and I got to work with such amazing and talented people back there… I really learned a lot… and grew up a lot… as an artist I mean. But now I want to try getting back into Broadway, I have an audition in three weeks ''

''You have always been talented Alice, your voice is like an angel's. I'm sure you will get the part''

My face grew suddenly hot _.._.  _Where did he learn to say such embarrassing things?_  '' Aww… Thank you Donnie... but I'm sure that's nothing compared to the life of a ninja who combats crime''

Donnie laughed a little ''my life is not as exciting as you imagine, most of the time is monotonous and a little bit stressful''

''Please! Stop lying to me! You need to tell me all about your and your brother's adventures… I can't move anyway so I have nothing else to do''

He smiled warmly, and sat on a steel chair in front of me '' It's a long story''

.

* * *

.

''Dude! Do you see what I'm seeing? Donnie's laughing! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Ouch!''

''Shhhh! be quiet cheese brain or they'll heard you''

''Mikey, Raph stop spying on them! They need privacy''

''Awww come on Leo, Donnie looks so happy… It had been so long since I last saw him smiling like that''

''He's smiling? For real?''

''Yes, It looks like he's finally getting his shit together. If I had knew that all he needed was that chick I would had kidnapped her myself sooner''

''Please Raph… Don't say it that way ''

''What? It's the truth, he drugged her and brought her here, if that's not kidnapping then I don't know what it is''

.

* * *

.

'' Woahhh… Donnie that's awesome! ''

''It's nothing'' he said sheepishly, showing a little bit the overly shy and modest Donnie I knew before.

''Are you kidding me? You and your brothers saved the world countless times! I can't believe it! You deserve a medal… No! You deserve the key of the city…No! You deser- YAWN…'' I couldn't contain a yawn.

''Are you sleepy?''

''Just a little…'' My eyelids felt really heavy out of the sudden.

''Come on you can sleep, it's late anyway''

''Well maybe just a little bit… maybe I'll rest my eyes just a little…''

''That's it… just relax princess''

As soon as he said princess, my sleepiness faded away like magic…

''Donnie… please don't call me princess'' I frowned.

''Why? You used to like it when I called you princess before''

''Yes I USED TO like it, now I don't so please don't call me like that''

''Alright…'' he hunched on his chair again.

This was becoming awkward '' I think I need to go home… can you take me home now please?''

''You want to go home? W- Why?''

''Well, I can't stay here anyway… David is going to be worried''

Donatello's face twisted in a way I have never seen before '' David? Who's that?''

''My boyfriend…''

He almost fell from his chair '' Y- YOU HAVE A…A BOYFRIEND''

''Yes, we have been dating for one year''

''…'' he went blank.

I arched a brow ''Don...? There's something wro-''

''I can't believe you got a boyfriend''

''Hey! Why not? I thought you said I have become prettier! '' I tried making a joke to light up the sudden heavy mood.

He shook his head '' It's not that!'' he covered his face with his hands '' How How… ''

''Donnie, go to your happy please… breathe…''

''I can't believe it! I thought you said you have missed me!'' he finally uncovered his face and looked at me as if I had just killed a puppy.

''I did! Like an friend''

''Just a like a friend…?'' He sounded really mortified.

''Well of course… you were my best friend and I missed talking with you''

''Are you kidding me?'' his voice was barely a whisper ''ARE YOU KIDDING ME!'' he suddenly stood up and threw the steel chair he was sitting on against one of the lab's walls. The strident sound made my eyes shut instantly.

''Donnie… you are scaring me''

''I'm not just a friend… you are not just a friend for me… you are my mate''

My mouth felt agape '' you mean like your team-mate? Like a friendly team of super best buddies…''

''Alice… I know you are not stupid, you know exactly why I mean'' he looked pissed.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing ''but Donnie… we have been separate for more than three years now…''

''That doesn't matter… I love you Alice… and I know you love me… I can see it''

 _Has he gone mad?_  '' Donnie… I think you are mistaken''

''NO! I'm not Alice, we are meant to be together''

''Don…''

''Stop… I- I don't want to hear it… I know you are only pretending… I know… Alice, I'm sorry, I acted like a complete asshole, even more than that… I made the worst mistake of my life, I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you… but now that you are here, I know we can work it out Alice. We can be together again… I love you, I love you more than my own life and I promise to dedicate the rest of my existence to make you happy.''

'' _Wow… those words… how many times I have dream about hearing those exact words from him… however…''_

''But Donnie… You broke up with me because you said you loved April'' My eyes grew hot only by saying it.

''I- I''

''You left me… y-you left me for her''  _Oh no, I need to stop. This isn't good._

''I'm sorry…''

''I loved you so much, but you left me…'' _I need to calm down._

''Alice I'm so sorry''

''I couldn't even contact you anymore… ''

He gripped my shoulders '' Please… I beg you…stop''

''Do- Don't… DON'T TOUCH ME'' and I snapped.

'' _How dare he? How dare he try to come and ruin everything I have been working so hard for?''_

''Alice please! Look at me! Try to calm down''  _Now he's the one trying to calm me down?_

''I was devastated … you were my life, my sun raised and died with you…'' Gosh, I need to stop, but all this bottle up feelings were just coming out like verbal vomit.

''Please calm down… I know we can be like we were before my love, I know…''

''…''  _I need to say it._

''Alice…?''

 _I need to say it clearly_  ''But Donnie… I don't love you''

''What…''

 _I need to tell him_  '' I don't love you anymore…''  _I just need to be clear with him_  '' I don't want to go back together with you anymore; I don't want to try it again… I move on''

He stood there quiet for a second ''obviously you are not thinking clearly… I think it will be better if you take a rest''

''NO! I WANT TO GO HOME! LET ME GO HOME! SOMEONE! HELP ME! ''

''Shhhh… Alice, don't hurt your voice like that… nobody can hear you here…''

''SOMEONE PLEASE! ''

''There, There'' Donnie lifted my limp body from the table and hugged me against his plastron. My body began trembling with anger and frustration. I felt like a rag doll.

He started doing smoothing circles on my back with his hand and as odd as it was it actually helped me calming down.

''Donnie…''

''Yes…?''

''Can I tell you something? ''

''Of course, anything you want'' he started nuzzling my neck.

''Just made sure to keep me drugged like this all the time… because once I'm able to move my body again I'll jot out your eye balls with my own hands…''

I felt his arms tightening around me '' Alice… I missed you so much. I'm the happiest''

''I'm not, I feel miserable… ''

''I love you so much…''

''I don't and I never will, never again''


	2. Memories of Us

"Please let me go… I need to go home…"

I no longer know how many days have passed; I had lost count at three. Keeping track of time inside this windowless place was an impossible task.

"My family and friends must be worried to death. Plus, I need to start rehearsing for my audition… is my big shot"

I had also lost count of how many times I had repeated those same words to him.

The fluorescent lights above began flickering, and I turned my eyes from the ceiling to look at my captor, who was currently sitting in his desk, too immerse tinkering with a broke remote control to even bother to address me properly.

"Alice, don't make this more complicated than it already is…" he said, his voice tranquil and even, as he lifted the small device against the desk light in order to inspect his work.

His nonchalant attitude only agitated me more "YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE FOREVER! I HAVE A LIFE!"

"Sigh… you are still as stubborn as always…"

My blood began boiling with rage "I'm going to escape! I'm going to get out of here! Even if I have to kill myself"

Finally, he turned his head slightly to my direction, but only to give me a side look of severe disapprobation "Alice, stop saying such grotesque things"

"Donnie… I beg of you" I insisted, this time with tears threatening to fall from my eyes "Please, if there's still any good in you… let me go"

He went back to ignore me again, and continued with his pointless task. I swear he has repaired that remote control more times I can count of. That's practically the only thing he has done since I'm down here. Apparently, his brilliance has been now reduced into fixing house appliances and other useless things his brothers managed to destroy around the lair. He didn't make any inventions anymore, and he didn't spent his days consumed by his countless projects. I even began to wonder what had happened to make him become like this, I was really tented to ask. But, I have already decided to not get involved in his personal life anymore.

"Donnie… I'm serious… I don't feel well"

After saying that, he instantly put down the damn control and turned over his chair to face me "How so?" despite his calm demeanor, I noticed a hint of worriedness dripping from his voice. Meaning, my strategy was working.

"M- My stomach hurts, a lot" I lied, using my best acting techniques on him.

He titled his head "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

I blushed profusely at his insinuation "NO!" I hurried to say "I d-don't think is _that_ "

"Hmmm" he became thoughtful "let me do a quick check"

I followed him with my eyes until he stood to hover over my immobile body. It had become almost a routine watching him manhandled me as if I were a rag doll. It has been so humiliating and degrading letting him feed me, change me and take me to the restroom… fuck! I get embarrassed just remembering it.

The worst part of it, is that he does everything so monotonously and robotically that it makes me feel as if I'm not a real person anymore.

Slowly, he lifted my shirt to expose all my stomach area. I gulped and fought back my nervousness as much as I could. For some reason, this didn't feel as those other times at all.

"Is cold…" I gasped, his reptile hand felt like an ice cube against my skin.

"Oh, sorry… tell me where it hurts"he moved two of his fingers to press over a certain point of my abdomen.

"It hurts"

"Hmmm… I see, what about here?" he moved his fingers to press another point in my stomach.

"It hurts" I insisted.

"It hurts if I press here?"

"Yes, it does"

"Mmmhh, I see" he hummed and began staring at my stomach as if in deep thought"What about if I do this…" Suddenlly, I felt something wet and warm running down my belly.

"H- Hey! What are yo- EEK!" it was his tounge.

"Alice…" I began shuddering internally when I felt his lips grasping my skin.

"W- what are you doing? STOP!" I panicked.

"Darling, I know you too well to notice when you are lying"

My face grew hot from embarassment "I wasn't… let me go"

He didn't let go of me, and instead started rubbing his face against my stomach.

"I- It tickles! Haha s-top! Haha! Please"

He lifted his face and locked his eyes with mines… he looked like desperate child asking for permission…

"What?" any trace of amusement disappeared from my face at that instant.

His chestnut eyes flickered with an emotion I knew just too well "Alicia you smell marvelous… I missed it so much"then, he began trailing faint kissed all over my abdomen.

"Stop" I demanded with desperation.

"W- Why? I know you are enjoying this. I know everything you like"

"That's not the case! I don't want to be touched by you like that, not now, not ever"

Gently, he grasped a side of my face with his hand to make me look at him "Don't say that, I know you are upset because you can't go outside, but please try to understand"

I narrowed my eyes at him"S- Shut up! I hate you! You are crazy! I don't want you touching me! Never"

 

* * *

 

" _A-Alice… Are you really sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressure to do anything"_

_That day we were celebrating our five month anniversary. My mother has gone on a trip with her boyfriend in turn, my apartment was empty and I was more than ready to go beyond third base and finally hit home with Donnie. Yet, it seemed like my cute, naïve and totally virgin mutant boyfriend was determined to preserve his purity as much as possible. Believe me, thanks to him I discovered women can suffer from blue balls too._

" _Donnie… we have been going out for a while now, I think is time you give yourself to me" I practically demanded while making my most serious face._

_He instantly tensed "Why I'm starting to feel like the roles are a little bit reversed here?" he chuckled awkwardly._

_A sneaky smile appeared on my face as I wrapped my arms around his neck "Because-" I pecked both of his cheeks "I know-" then his eyes "you're my one and only…" I stopped to lean my forehead against his._

_He, as always, turned various shades of darker green and averted his eyes to the floor "How can you be so sure of that?" he asked me with a strained voice, separating himself from me "Alice, I'm a mutant… I can't offer you anything…" he walked until my bedroom window and visibly hunched._

_I remained sitting in my bed and sighed internally. Does he really think that I haven't already analyzed every aspect of our relationship? He obviously doesn't know women._

" _I live in a sewer, we cannot get married nor have kids… you deserve so much more… A- Alice!"_

_I was never known for being shy; maybe that's why our personalities clashed so nicely all the time. Anyway, I have already begun stripping in the middle of his little speech "Sorry… Where you saying something?" I smirked playfully, walked up to him, and grabbed his hand to guide him to the bed again. Once there, I made him sit while I stood in front of him and finished removing my last piece of undergarment._

_His mouth felt agape "Alice… you are so beautiful"_

_My lips curved involuntarily upwards as I positioned myself over his lap "Donnie… I'm yours, all of me in yours" I took both of his hands and started guiding them all over my naked torso until my tights "But, don't think this is for free" I stopped the motion, and he made a subtle moan of protest in response "Donnie…I want you to be mine, all mine… promise me that"_

" _Ali… I- I hmmmmm" I cut him out with a thirsty kiss. Maybe, I should have let him finish what he wanted to said. But, I had always liked to be the dominant one._

" _Don, you are the one who's beautiful" I whispered almost out of breath "All of you" My hands trailed delicately all over his toned legs "All my life I felt as I was missing something, as if I wasn't complete… until I met you"_

" _Alicia…" Gently, he touched a side of my face as his eyes became glossy "I love you… I love you so much"_

_Now it was my turn to be surprised. That was the first time Donnie ever told me he loved me, and for a moment, I lost the control of the situation._

" _Prin- Princess, are you okay?" he stammered "W-Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry… that was too impulsive of me… I shouldn't have-"_

" _Sniff… NOU… it's not that… idiot… I'm just too happy… Sniff"_

_He smiled and kissed my forehead "Gezz… you such a crybaby" he smiled_

" _I love you too…"_

_._

* * *

.

Is funny how much things can change in only three years.

"I hate you! Don't touch me!" He was literally straddling me over the table.

"My love, please don't cry…" he began whipping my tears from my cheeks. I was scared, so scared. What the hell happened to him? This wasn't the Donnie I knew.

"I'm not your love! Stop calling me like that!" I was so sick, sick of hearing all his nonsense, and so sick of him touching me like this.

"I'm sorry… Please, tell me what I can do to make you love me again… like the way you used to love me before…"

"I can't… I can't… even if you keep me here forever, I'll not love you"

"Wh- WHY?" anger and frustration invaded his features, and the next thing I knew was that he had already ripped my entire shirt off "You were supposed to be mine… you told me… you told me"

I couldn't believe this was actually happening "Yes… but I also told you that it wasn't for free…"

"I'm yours Alice… I have always been… I made a mistake… I was confused"

"It's too late Donnie! Is three years too late! STOP TOUCHING ME!"

 

* * *

 

_I had just gotten home when I heard a very familiar knocking coming from my room's window._

_That day was, as the news had said, the coldest day of the year in New York City._

_I rushed to open it, already knowing who it was "Donnie! What happened? I have been trying to reach you for almost a week! Why haven't you called me, texted me or something? I was worried to death!" My hands went to my hips only to emphasizes how pissed I was._

_However, I was faced with something I truly wasn't prepared to see. Standing on the emergency stairs outside my bedroom's window, I was met with a miserably looking Donatello, with his sight set to floor, and leaning over his bo staff as if it were a walking cane "I'm sorry Alice… We had a really awful week…" he said with a hoarse voice._

_My face softened in an instant "Donnie sweetie, what happened?" My insides twisted with worry and my heart started beating a mile per minute. His face showed it all, something really bad must have happened._

_Without even bothering to come inside, he began telling me "We were stopping a Purple Dragon's drug shipment. We have done it millions of times before, so we were more or less confident…But then their leader, Hun, appeared out of nowhere and everything got complicated… April was there and she…" his voice broke in the last sentece, and I didn't need to be a genius like him to figure out the rest._

_My eyes widened, and the first thing I wondered was what the hell was April doing in the middle of an drug dealing ambush, but I didn't wanted to sound like a such insensitive person, reason why I just faked an mortified expression instead "What? What happened? Is she alright? Why didn't you tell me?"_

_He tightened his grip on his bo staff "She's out of risk now… but she was so close… so close to have… It has been an really awful week, Alice"_

" _Come here…" I hugged him as hard as I could. He was as cold and stiff as an iceberg, but he managed to return the hug with one hand._

_We stayed like that for a couple of seconds more, not caring about the brutal cold surrounding us, and I actually believed everything was going to be fine, until he broke the hug to ask "Alice, have you been drinking?"_

_I swallowed hard; he must have smelled the booze lingering in my clothes "Oh! Well, just a little. I went to a friend's reunion earlier and-"_

_He placed his weapon on his back and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly angry "Good, I can see how worried you were for me then!" Donnie's overprotective side was one of his many alluring qualities. However, I rapidly noticed this wasn't the case._

" _Hey Donnie… calm down" I said, lifting my palms up to my chest._

_Recently, we have been arguing a lot about this topic. Let's just said that, at that time, I was in the 'living my youth to the fullest' phase, and I have always have had a very active social life… Ok, maybe just a little bit too active social life. Plus, I knew Donnie hated the idea of me being out late at night. After all, he saved girls from gang's attacks almost every day. I knew the city was dangerous place, but I always made sure to take all the necessary precautions to get home safely, and I wasn't going to let the fear of getting assaulted to stop me from enjoying my life._

_He bit his mount and averted his sight to the floor again "Do you really care for me, Alice?"_

_I winced at the question "Of course I do. How can you even ask me that? Come inside, Is really cold out here and I bought some chimichangas on my way here" I was really trying my best to lift the awful mood. I really hated fighting with him, and after a week of no seeing each other that was the last thing I wanted to do with him._

" _Alice… I don't think is a good idea" he said with a stern voice._

" _What? You don't like chimichangas? I can cook something else for you then…" I tried pulling him inside again, but he didn't even move an inch._

" _Alicia, it's not that… what I mean is…" I couldn't help but notice the way his voice began cracking "I just don't think is wise to keep seeing each other anymore..."_

" _Eh? Did you say something?" I had heard perfectly what he had said._

" _DAMN IT! Why you never listen to me? I'm trying to be serious here"_

_I began to feel dizzy and it wasn't because of the alcohol "I- I'm sorry… I'm just a little nervous… I haven't see you or heard from you on an entire week… and now you seen to be very upset about something I truly can't understand"_

" _Sigh… I'm sorry for raising my voice Alice… I'm just really stressed" he lowered his head and began massaging his eyes._

" _I understand, come on in! We can talk better inside" I pulled his hand again, but he shook me out this time._

" _No Alice… I can't… I need to go back home soon… I just wanted to tell you that…" he took a deep breath "I think it's better if we stop this…"_

" _Stop what?" I honestly couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me._

" _Our relationship…"_

_It was as if he had hit me right in the face "W- what… why?" my voice broke "It is because I drink too much! I can quit it! I just do it on parties anyway! If you hated it that much you could just have-"_

_He shook his head "It's not because of that…"_

_My cheeks began to burn when my tears hit with the cold winter breeze "Then why? If I did something…"_

" _No! It isn't about anything you had done!" he hurried to said._

" _THEN TELL ME WHY! WHY! TELL ME FUCKING WHY YOU JUST APPEAR LIKE THIS AFTER DISAPPEARING FOR A WHOLE WEEK ONLY TO ASK ME TO BRAKE UP"_

" _This is for your own good, my life is too risky Alice, and I can't drag you into this chaos"_

_I really wanted to stay calm, but my rage was already too much "So… because April tried to be a badass and got hurt… you just assume the same thing will happen to me? I'M NOT THAT STUPID ,YOU KNOW!"_

" _ALICE!"_

" _SHE WAS STUPID! WHAT WAS SHE DOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHY DID YOU EVEN LET HER BE THERE?"_

" _Don't… DON'T CALL HER THAT! SHE ALMOST DIED, FOR GOD'S SAKE! In front on my eyes… and I couldn't do anything"_

_I have to admit it… at that moment I should have acted a little bit more supporting. I knew he and April were really close friends, and I could tell he was really suffering because of what had happened to her, but I also knew about the really big crush he used to have for her, and I became a like a little jealous monster._

_I covered my eyes with my hands in order to calm my head "I can't believe you want to dump me"_

_He tried to reach a hand out to me "I- It's not what I want… It's just for the best"_

_But I slapped it away "BEST FOR WHOM? Because this is not the best for me!"_

" _Try to understand"_

" _I love you Donnie, have you stopped loving me?"_

_Hi eyes went wide "NO! Of course not… its juts that everything has become confusing"_

" _Con-confusing? Everything became confusing in just a week? Are you fucking kidding me…you think I'm stupid?" Nothing made sense to me anymore, nothing at all. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing… Donnie wanted to leave me? I was so confused; I didn't buy his reason at all. And that's why my mind jumped to the next unnerving conclusion "Is because of her, isn't it? I KNOW! YOU ALMOST LOST HER… AND THAT'S WHY YOU REALISED YOU WANNA BE WITH HER NOW…" everything sounded as a really bad soap opera dialoged. But, the words were just coming out of mouth like poison. That always happens to me when I'm upset._

" _I… I don't know what I feel anymore… I love you… but…" he hung his head, making his next words sound almost like a whisper "I love her too…"_

_I slapped him as hard as I could "HOW! WHY" he continued immobile in front of me… I didn't even feel cold anymore. I just felt pain._

_It was as he had literally stabbed me in the chest "SO YOU ARE LEAVING ME TO BE WITH HER? THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME… I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, EH? SO WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER DID YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER? DID YOU THOUGHT_ _OF HER WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING ME? YOU, FRIGGING BASTARD" I began pushing his plastron multiple times… I knew I wasn't hurting him, I was just hurting myself._

" _Alice... STOP" he grabbed my both of my wrist to hold me still "I'm sorry…" he looked genuinely sad, and that only made everything one hundred of times worse._

_My whole body began shaking "Please, don't do this Donnie… you can't leave me"_

" _Alice…"_

" _Don't leave me please… I will be better… I can change… I can be a better girl" In my last desperate antic, I began doing the only thing I promised myself I will never do… I started saying the same words my mother used every time one of his useless boyfriends threatened to leave her. Since a small age, I was determined to never become such a woman…but, I guess the branch doesn't fall far from the tree._

_I looked up to him, with my eyes filled with almost frozen tears "Donatello… you can't leave me…you are my one and only… you are my other half" I didn't know myself anymore. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't let him go that easily, and I didn't even care how pathetic I sounded._

_He touched my face and whipped my tears in the gentle way he always did "Alice…the thing is... that I don't think I'm the one suited to fulfill that role anymore"_

_Everything went blank after hearing him said that, and when I came back to my senses I was already inside my apartment, sitting over my bed._

_I didn't know how much time had passed, and how I have even gotten there in the first place, but I instantly jumped to the window again._

_There wasn't trace of Donnie anymore._

_And, if I haven't been for the drops of water the melted snow left on my clothes, I would have sworn everything was just a dream._

* * *

 

"Please… Alice… I love you… AGH..." Donnie gasped, thrusting himself inside my limp body with renewed vigor every time.

"Don… please, stop" I begged for what it felt like the millionth time.

"Alice, you feel so good. I missed you so much" he whispered against my ear as my body helplessly squirmed under him.

_I'm gonna miss the audition._

"I'm sorry Alice, I'm so sorry" he whimpered "Forgive me"

Tears flowed from my eyes as I stared emptily at the ceiling "Donnie… the thing is… if I forgive you… I don't think I could be able to forgive myself"

 

**The end.**


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